Your Type

Perri |

“Your Type.

June 2, 2011 at 10:05pm

Young fathers, lend me your ear.

[So I’ve been sitting on this for a minute…
I wrote it like.. November-ish (2010)
I rarely share ’em..
They’re kinda personal, but, here you go]

Fellow, my fellow,
you were chosen to father-
father a precious gem; all hope for tomorrow.
Shape up. Or ship out.
The examples you don’t set; soon to regret,
for the ones to come- will come back to bite you harder than life will let you forget.
You see,
she’ll grow up one day.
Could you handle it, if she chose to lay,
with one like you?
What if she met you your type.
Would you let her struggle through that fight?
What fight?
The fight , that if she held on long enough she just might,
get the dusty , rugged honour of being your type.
What type?
The type the that would fall quite smite
In the middle of the night , because things you’re saying sound oooh so right.
So the, fright of the flight with you?
Is no longer an issue.
But sooner or later
the miss you’s, turn into vague and unanswered diss -you’s.
Confused; Confusion,
Delusion; Deluded- View.
Yup, because of you;
Your type.
The imperativeness of the image you don’t show,
will surely bring life to empirical growth.
Now she’s,
caught in this dumb and senseless game.
Sold false love-
but who’s to blame?
Your type.

Gold. “

From the date you can see this was a few years back. I lifted this from my Facebook notes and I can’t help but think back to the space I was in when I wrote this. Although, I still believe in these words and hold true to the message they convey, the strong emotion behind these sentiments has long passed.

I remember having an overlapping feeling between dating (“dating“) someone with a child and the absence, at the time, of my own father. I remember thinking of how cyclical this whole dating game can be and how there was a certain level of irony happening in it as I wrote about how I felt through the cautionary lens of another young girl. I say that I still stand behind this message because, honestly, I do. It’s hard not to, when we see this perpetual cycle over and over, year after year. I’ll never claim to comprehend the male logic, truthfully, as a woman I’ve grown to accept that we speak a different language altogether, but, I do believe there should be some level of accountability. Before I go further, this isn’t an attack on men either, but I think there should be some conversation surrounding how women can be monopolized, exhausted, strung along and never truly appreciated. All the while the same source,  could be potentially attempting to protect daughters from the very same actions delivered. On the flip side, are women part to blame in this mix? Of course. But, by nature, we’re nurturers. Unfortunately, we stay longer in situations because we’re hopeful we can grow them- this doesn’t make it right but that’s our divine design.

In this life we’re given free reign to live and do as we please. Hopefully, with the understanding that consequences for certain actions will arise if need be. With this freedom, I think we should continuously check how our behaviour may or may not affect another individual. Now, I’m not saying to live your life solely for the opinion of another person, but when it comes to romance and parenthood we should should at least attempt to be better with our actions.

I wrote this from a very hurt and rejected space. I was so many things all at once; mad, angry, confused, broken. Somehow, in the midst of all of those unnamed and misplaced emotions, I found hopeful solace in the idea that even if a man couldn’t get his life together for himself, he could at least do it for his daughter. Her first reference point; her first example; her first hero; her first love. I began to go back and forth between my personal vantage point and that of the daughter of the guy I was involved with. I lightly poured out my present feelings with what I thought her projected future could be. To this very moment, I hate that people believe there’s some sort of degree of separation between what they do and how their child might later be treated. If we could elevate beyond this even a little, I think the world might be a better place.

I’m not here to lecture and I don’t know what the definitive answer to this is; maybe it’s all apart of human nature. What I will say is this, I believe in storms because they strengthen you like no other and leave you more resilient for any and everything. I also believe in the beauty of restoration and healing and how one can be re-birthed by way of certain situations. However, I think there are some things we just shouldn’t have to endure. Unrequited love? Yeah, maybe. The absence or poor example of a father (or mother)? Not so much.

To my fathers, young and old, as well as to all:

Let’s make a conscious effort be more aware of how we handle other people, especially their emotions. Let’s be well aware of the examples we’re setting, the standards (or the lack there of) we’re establishing, and the legacies we’re building. Let’s know that as long as all parties are living it’s never too late to right a wrong. Lastly, let’s attempt for our heart’s mandate to forever be unconditional love. If this dictates our hearts, our actions will be sure to follow.

To spin my initial sentiments and direct them to all:

Would you like to meet or date you?
Your type?

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