Is it you? Is it me?

Perri |

“I’m not sure who it is, but I do know it’s time.

Time for us to part ways, because, this right here? This is not working.”

This was my thought process at the top of last month when reflecting on some “friendships.”

Like many others, I take my real connections with people to the heart. I don’t know if I’m so passionate in this area because I’m an only child or what. But, when I vibe with someone and it’s seemingly mutual, I see to it that I’m there for that individual whenever they need me to be.

The trouble with this is, sometimes that two way street has a lane closed. You know, often times when driving there are signs advising a detour, but we just keep driving anyway…

This same theory can apply to friendships.

Not everyone we vibe with, or even have chemistry with, deserves the responsibility that comes with the title of “friend.” This isn’t to suggest that this person is a bad person because they fail you or vice versa, it simply means somewhere along the way there was a disconnect. In many cases we ignore this and force a friendship that is merely a volcano waiting to erupt.

The trouble with many, myself included, is that we expect reciprocal treatment from others. This should be expected when respecting and accepting you but that’s about it. We can’t expect people to handle us in the same manner that we handle them. Nor can we firmly expect their response and actions to mirror ours. These factors are what create amazingly diverse and long lasting friendships or they can be the demise of them right from the start.  Also, in all Joan and Toni realness, friendships can change! They can start out one way and then life happens and they’re the complete antithesis of their origin. (My fellow devoted Girlfriends enthusiasts will catch that reference. 😉 )

” Learn the difference between who to let go of and who to be patient with” – Unknown

I saw this quote a few weeks ago and it resonated with me so much. It’s obvious that we will disagree and bump heads with those who are close to us. It’s inevitable- we’re individuals who have different experiences, different vantage points and opinions. However, learning who we are to help and who’s to help us is crucial to our peace. Some people are placed in our lives to bring added joy and fulfilment; these are lifetime connections. On the flip side, there are seasonal encounters that are only meant to be present for an allotted amount of time and that’s it. The problem many of us face is, we mix up seasonal people with lifetime expectations. Something to note, with some, we have to be okay with the idea that they are incapable of seeing passed their own needs and willing friendship with them will continuously be one-sided. Not all who we are called to bless are equipped, in any facet, to return the blessing.

I know this may ring true for many and I hope it aids in clarity for someone. I believe we have a calling to fulfil but in our humanness we can become very fixated on the wrong doings of those who we believe are on our team, which can ultimately deter us. Love them and let them go. Pour into and value those who are tested and true. They are blessings!

Breaking up with some friends is probably the best move many can make but the fear of loss paralyzes and prolongs decisions and always subtracts from peace. When a friendship lacks peace it can morph a person into who they never intended to be.

I always say, friends are the family you get to pick- we need them. Friendships should be honest, they should encourage and support and they should never, ever cost you your peace.

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” 1 Cor 15:33 

For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. Romans 14:7

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Written by goldthelabel


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