Perri | goldthelabel.com
Because, honestly, if it if doesn’t start with you- it might not start at all.
I’ve had to learn the difference between rejection and redirection- over and OVER. To be honest, it’s a very difficult concept to digest. This is mainly because humans thrive off of applause. Validation is one of those things we quickly take solace in because it reassures us that, seemingly, we’re on the right path. Why is this sense of security so dependant on other people though?
When looking into the etymology of the word validation, three other words were associated: validity, void and authority.
I find this so interesting because linked with validity was the word “strength.” Linked with void were the phrases “to clear, to empty, drain; to abandon, evacuate.” Lastly with authority “prestige, right, permission, dignity, gravity.”
Do you see what I’m seeing? These are some powerful terms and words here…
Why do we give our emotions up for grabs so willingly, especially, when it’s concerning our craft and passions? This not only leaves us open and overly sensitive to hard critiques but it also, subconsciously, leaves the determination of our success and willingness to press on in the hands of other people.
You; Me; WE ALL work far too LONG and way too HARD to give that right to someone who kinda cares.
“Validation. What is it? It’s getting feedback from others that “what I do and what I say matters to you. You hear me. You see me. You think of me. You thank me. You acknowledge my accomplishments. You appreciate my efforts.”
The opposite of validation? Non-recognition. “I don’t give a damn what you want, what you say, what you think. Who cares? You’re overreacting. You’re nuts. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”- PyschCentral.com
I wholeheartedly believe that we need encouragement from the audience we’re seeking to reach, because, how will we know if our message is effective and received if they don’t express that. I believe in serving people to the best of our abilities with our talents. No doubt about that, but, when it impacts your confidence in your capability to create, we’ve moved into the danger zone.
This is a space I know all too well! This brand will turn SEVEN in April and I’ve had my fair share of discouragement and deflation mixed with melt downs that consisted of:
“Am I doing enough?”
“What more can I do?”
“Why isn’t this being received the way I thought it would be?”
“Why is it when I DO it it’s overlooked but when SO & SO does it, it’s cool?”
“Why is it SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO JUST SHOW SUPPORT?!”
This ebb and flow of emotions is enough to drive you smooth over a cliff if you let it. I had to learn that the hard way. This process has buffed me to conclude, are you ready for this, I DONT CARE.
Now, let’s clean that up.
When I say I don’t care, I’m referring to the constant need for someone to applaud and support me. Not only is it futile to hold your breath for this, it’s flat out exhausting. When I say exhausting, I mean that with every fibre and nook and cranny of my being. What’s registered so deeply within my spirit is, if you’re on a journey to produce and create great things, it might just be exhausting for others to keep up. Also, in this time where information is constantly thrown at you left, right and centre, it’s possible for people to innocently miss what you’re involved with. In addition to this, some people, loved ones or not, just won’t be happy for you. They don’t have it in them to encourage you and it’s not your job to make them or figure out why they’re supposedly so uninterested. So I really had to ask myself: “why in sanity’s name would I entrust the weight of what I can produce and I how feel about my work, to someone who has no intention of ever engaging?” Where on EARTH do they do that at?
Welcome the misfortune of it all, for it will produce a determined, vigorous and unmoved spirit within you if you allow it to. Humbly trust in the greatness that was placed inside of you by our magnificent creator- I can assure you, He made no mistakes. Also, check the motives behind why you do what you do. Is it for the validation? If so, I can promise you this, people will only identify you by what you answer to. Are you calling the shots or are they? Allow your feeling of fulfilment and security to come from within.
Additionally, make sure when it comes to your craft, talents and all that you can offer the world, that you’re seated at the table and not on the menu.
Lastly, remember to always, ALWAYS CLAP FOR YOURSELF FIRST!
“Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart”
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