2016 so far has proven to be the Year of the Baby!
I don’t know about you, but I’ve personally lost count of how many people I know, or know of that are with child!
Before I go any further I would like to first say, that I think children are a beautiful blessing and can bring about purpose as well as countless joy. I don’t believe that they are punishment of any sort but a GIFT from our Most High God. I think parents get the amazing opportunity to mold and shape this blank canvas into a being that can be beneficial to the generation in which he or she is born into. Ultimately, according to my faith, to bring Glory to God with and in whatever they do.
I’m not a parent and would never profess to understand half of what that fully entails, but, I do know that it’s a huge responsibility. A responsibility not just to provide shelter and food but love and affection. In my opinion many who sign up to be parents, willingly or not, are not ready for such a feat.
I know with situations as such one can never be 100% ready and room for growth should always be there, but, what I’m eluding to is more of a self thing; a personal heart matter. More importantly, how the two parties involved are equipped to handle this precious gift entrusted to them.
See, I think many people today see pregnancy as something that “just happens,” and to me that’s just not fair. Not fair to all involved ESPECIALLY the baby.
Let me tell you why…
My parents are awesome! I believe without a shadow of a doubt there were no mistakes made in me being gifted to them. The older I get the more I learn to love, honour and respect them. They have groomed me and poured into me from the day I was born- as parents should. My mom’s constant love and affection with innumerable ‘I love you’s”, blended with her strong example of tenacity and determination. This coupled with my dads protection and strong attention to my growth. Having such an interest in my brain development that he invested in countless amounts of study material and hours spent on scholastic computer programs all from a very young age. He’s been the best financial advisor my whole life and has continuously offered his wisdom (asked for or not : ) ). All of which have helped to shape me into who I have become. Truthfully, I think they did a fine job! :p Having only one they wanted the world and then some for me. The only problem was, as GREAT as they were, they were NOT READY.
They were disconnected…
My parents later divorced and I was given free admittance to ride an emotional roller-coaster for years and years to come. The absence of my father created issues that only God himself could heal. Also the pressures of a single parent home are TOUGH.
You see, they were incapable of giving me all of them because they hadn’t mastered how to give all of them to each other.
Before my parents married my mom conceived me, so I by NO means stick my nose in the air at people who conceive out of “wedlock” or “shack-up.” It’s not my place to condemn folks on that. However, my parents didn’t spend enough “them-time” to figure out if sticking it out for the betterment of their relationship or family was something they could maintain. I’m assuming before they even gave thought to this they were expecting me, without any idea if they could sustain as a unit let alone as parents. I personally think this is the very issue many face today.
From this I have had to witness and learn a lot from a very young age and I can stand firmly in saying that parents who become parents on a whim because “it just happened” are selfish. This isn’t to suggest they’re horrible people or even horrible parents- not at all, but don’t you think that an innocent being that didn’t even ask to come here should be given the best? Not just the best of material things or the best in education but the BEST OF YOU!
Getting caught up in the moment is all fine and well until someone gets hurt… and by someone I mean the baby.
People don’t think about that.
I think far too often people have children and they’re broken. They haven’t discovered how to love, and love for real. They haven’t dealt with their pasts and what has hurt them. Often times they haven’t allowed themselves to heal. They brush off their emotions and move on to the next. Not knowing that they’re still carrying this baggage and somewhere, at any time, it will resurface. Learning to love, and to love for real- passed any hurts or disappointments, is important. Alternatively, I think some are still in fun mode. Still addicted to the thrill of the chase and while sprinting in the fast lane they face a hurdle they can’t jump. Forcing them to change and mature over night and many are unsuccessful.
I know often times people say they experience true love when their children are born, and you know what, that could possibly be so- again, I’m not a parent so I can’t confirm or deny that. What I can say is, if you haven’t learned how to be WHOLE as a person and then WHOLE within your partnership, you my friend, are not ready to love this precious little one.
That seems extreme Perri…
Maybe you’re right. I, however, have this crazy belief that children deserve love. Real love. They deserve to see what that looks like. They deserve to have this example RIGHT in their home displayed from the people they believe are superheroes for the first 4-5 years of their lives. They deserve to be armed with compassion in the midst of this insane world around us. So instead of viewing this perpetual unfaithful mentality seen year after year, they get to witness people growing old together. Fifty plus years of marriage for our generation seems like a myth or something viewed as so unattainable why would one even bother. Children deserve to see their parents in love.
Seems like pressure, huh? It is.
…but, it’s so worth it!
For those of you who are parents or parents-to-be, this isn’t an attack on you. I’m sure you’re doing GREAT! This is merely one of your peers lovingly looking out for you. If you can, with all that’s in you, make it work the best way you can with your partner or the other parent. It’s crucial to your child’s development. Exude love the best way you can to prove to your little one that contrary to what the world says it DOES exist. I do know that sometimes connections just don’t work. Or, were never intended to be more than a night. In future relationships take the time to learn and love first to eliminate the possibility of a repeat. Also be cognizant of the impression that will be left on your bundle of joy. What they see molds what they view as acceptable.
For those of you who aren’t. Don’t be careless. Yes, it’s your life, do as you please, but let’s stop playing house without making a home. Let’s move towards WHOLENESS, independently as well as in our partnerships. Our future depends on it. Additionally, if you’re currently in an unstable situation a baby is NOT a bandaid! Don’t inflict your dysfunction on them- it’s not fair nor is it healthy; for any of you! Learn your partner, if unmarried you’re technically still single.Do you want a family with this person? Or better yet, do they want one with you? Let’s be honest with ourselves. Myself, many friends and acquaintances can attest to the damage created by parents who just were NOT ready. Maybe you can yourself!
Children deserve to have a family.
Little girls NEED their father in the home- trust me, they NEED to have a standard to reflect back to or they’ll fall for any and everything. They also need to see what a wife and mother looks like. How she should be LOVED, treated and appreciated. Having a blueprint on what romance is has been robbed from so many girls, causing them to be undervalued and used.
Little boys NEED their father in the house. They need to be shown what strength looks like. They need to know how to govern themselves with dignity and respect. They NEED an example! They need to see their mother treated with love and respect so they know how to give it. They also should witness how a man should be honoured and respected.
Let’s break the cycle, it’s up to us- WE GOT NEXT!
I think generations passed may have not mastered this, but I think they came pretty close to it.
Love yourself and respect yourself enough to grow into a worthy example. Let’s stop getting so caught in the moment that we sabotage the future of our youth.
Grow in love,
“Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”Proverbs 20:6,7
“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”Genesis 2:22-24