Are you happy where you are?

Ty’ Oswald |

Well, are you?

There will  come a time in your journey when God- the Most High- Jah-“your higher being,” whatever is clever for you, removes you from everything that you think you are, in order to birth something new in you.

This process is one of the scariest and most paralysing feelings you’ll ever experience. What’s more frightening is the discomfort in stepping outside of your comfort zone and moving on faith alone. On the other hand, what’s freeing about reaching destiny, is that there is no clear path or guide for you to follow. Each individual step (the highs, the lows, the challenges, the breakthroughs, the disappointments) on your journey will lead you into that next level of elevation to becoming a better you. 

In July of 2015 I made the big move to London, UK  in pursuit of myself and my dreams. I wanted to experience a continuous exploration of life on a grander scale. This took some time though, because, Lord knows I have more issues than Vogue. 

“…every day that I woke up, I found myself feeling unfulfilled.

While at Spelman College I experienced what Oprah calls, an Aha moment, or as I refer to it, a moment of clarity; a breakthrough. I realized that I was only enrolled in college because that’s what I had been pressured to do by society (although I still wanted to experience an HBCU) but not what was necessarily the echo of my soul. With a mother who works in the Bermuda school system and a god-mother who was deeply devoted to Bermuda’s Ministry of Education, attending college was all I had ever known. There were no if’s, and’s or but’s about that. Truthfully,  the burning desire of my soul was to be in London in a melting pot of culture and authenticity; traveling and exploring the unknown. As beautiful as Bermuda is, and don’t get me wrong- I am a PROUD ISLAND GAL, after returning from college as a “college drop out every day that I woke up, I found myself feeling unfulfilled. 

NB. To clarify “college drop out” :  I believe this is one of the many labels that society places on you in which do not have to accept

For months, while in Atlanta this revelation ate at my soul. I remember crying for days in my dorm thinking, is this really my life? Have all of these years of schooling led to this moment? During freshman orientation, when the the speaker told us to look to our left and right to see who was next to us because some of us won’t be walking across the stage in four years time; was she really talking about me?

I felt awful, especially considering the first time that I applied, my application was not accepted and this was my second shot at “my dream”. I thought, “how on God’s green earth am I going to tell my mother I wanted to drop out? After making such a BIG deal (Drama Queen) about attending this specific school.” The very essence of my being was deteriorating from this choice… this choice that I made. Of course, I had to deliver a riveting Tony Award winning, worthy theatrical performance in order for her to believe me [because I’m an artist and constantly evolving.. I told you earlier that I have more issues than Vogue didn’t I?!]. I had to listen to that of voice of integrity and get this off of my chest!

After convincing her that I would only stay in Bermuda for a semester, which I knew was A LIE, I was eventually on the next flight home. As disappointing as it was for me to make this decision, it was necessary. This moment was an essential life lesson on trusting God and staying true to yourself; to myself.

Between returning to Bermuda from college up until leaving for London, I have learned an immeasurable amount of lessons that were predestined to prepare me for where I currently am. Our parents, relatives, friends, mentors, loved ones and nosey aunties [who aren’t really our aunties]  who are always asking, “When ya going back school?” may all have a view or expectation of who we are and what we should be doing with our lives but our lives are for us to live.

I remember reading Don Miguel Ruiz book, “The Fifth Agreement” and he explained this in a way that really resonated with me.

“Our perceptions are clouded by the society we live in and the people around us.”

Every single last human being is living their own separate, unique reality and sometimes those individuals project their beliefs and opinions on other people. Since birth we have been conditioned to live as we have been taught. As we mature through life we begin to make our own agreements in accordance to who we are in that moment and how we have already been conditioned to operate. 

Is this way of life allowing you to fulfil the purpose that is at YOUR core? The purpose that God specifically placed inside of YOU. 

Are YOU happy where YOU are right now? 

Are you willing to trust God no matter what twist and turns may come? 

When YOU die can you die saying that YOU are happy with the choices that YOU have made for yourself?  Or, are YOU living for the opinions of others? 

Are you willing to allow Gods will to be done in your life?

Even if you fail at achieving your dreams will YOU keep trying? 

Are you willing to strip away the misconceptions and uncover the truth about who you are?

Are YOU willing to grow from your experiences or will you allow them to keep you unmotivated and stuck? 

“Through this one out of many experiences I had to unlearn who I thought I was and step into who God created me to be.”

The choice is always YOURS at any moment in your existence. For me, this was one of those life changing moments that has led me to where I am today. Asking myself these kind of questions forced me to keep it real with myself and strengthen my faith muscles and my relationship with God. I had to realize that whenever I tried to make plans for my life, things rarely to never unfolded the way that I envision them to. Through this one out of many experiences I had to unlearn who I thought I was and step into who God created me to be. I had to learn that my purpose is bigger than society’s standards. I decided to share this part of my journey with you because I know that we may all be going through similar experiences. 

Until next time…

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God”

Romans 12:2

Peace & Love 

Ty’ xo 

Keep up with Ty via Instagram @lifeofthe_fox

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  1. I aupplaud you for living “your” dreams and not the dreams other have for you. I know exactly how you feel. “You define success” for yourself. Amazing 👌🏽

  2. Foxanna!
    This reading resonates with me so deeply! The people/material things that we often think define us have nothing to do with our greater purpose, the greater walk that we must take; often times alone.

    Thank you for this Ty & P. Xo

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